Completely Worthless Thoughts

Making the most of Thanksgiving

2011-11-22T10:06:00.000-08:00

I took the whole week off of work and with a little down time am feeling very inspired to resurrect my blog. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. At Christmas we pretend to be about one thing, but are really about getting stuff. But at Thanksgiving, we are just about what we say we are about - eating and football.

I have done some research over the years and would like to share with my vast readership my tips on how to maximize your Thanksgiving dinner this year. I preface these tips with a warning: my "strategy" has only been tested on one Thanksgiving Day meal. Some folks split time between two families and I would not recommend the following information for people in that boat. Trying to pull off "the double" will almost certainly end in disaster for you.

The Strategy:
1. Go to bed at your normal time the night before and get up at your normal time Thanksgiving morning. Athletes will tell you not to switch up any routines for a big competition.
2. Eat a normal breakfast. Most people think it's best to skip breakfast or eat really small. Doing this will shrink your stomach and result in less food consumption when it matters most.
3. Skip lunch. You will most likely eat the meal in early afternoon or around lunchtime. If you are eating the meal at dinnertime or there is more than 6 hours between breakfast and the meal, eat a light snack around lunchtime.
4. This is the crucial step. And you have to trust me. This is a technique that has been battle tested in the professional eating circuits. An hour before mealtime (which is tough to predict in some families that are lax in terms of meal prep, but do your best) drink 2 quarts of water. I know it sounds crazy. You don't have to chug it, but drink it quickly...within 30 minutes. One quart in, you will think I have led you astray because you will feel very full. Two quarts in, you will feel a little miserable (no pain, no gain). But about 30 minutes before mealtime, you will start peeing like mad. And about 10 minutes before mealtime, you will be hungry like you never have before. The water flushes the system out and opens it up.
5. When going through the line choosing food, fill two plates. Hunger is one of the human body's slowest reactions and it takes 15-20 minutes for your stomach to "tell" your brain you are full. So, you have a 15-20 minute window to pound as much food as possible. You don't want to waste time getting up for seconds. Start with two plates.
6. Your posture is important too. Don't sit with good posture. It's best to eat in a "hunched over" position. This relaxes your stomach and allows more food to be crammed in. Once you are finished and you straighten up, you will know for certain you have eaten too much.
7. While still in a hunched over position, you can waddle to the couch and fall onto the couch in the fetal position.
8. Enjoy some football!

Credits: Gary Mayabb, my sports psych teacher in h.s. at Oak Park. He is currently shaping young minds at Staley.

Arguing about sports

2010-03-16T05:55:00.000-07:00

It's this time of year, with the NCAA tournament bracket hot off the press, that sports arguments seem to hit the peak of the season. People arguing over which team got screwed out of a bid; others arguing why one team got in over another. I got to thinking yesterday. In an area of life which seems to be so objective (sports), do we ever really know which team or athlete is "better"? In sports, it seems to be so cut and dry. Winners and losers are determined by a game or competition with rules that are predetermined and strictly followed (instant replay is a great example of how closely we follow them). But often even after the game is over, we wonder whether the team that won was actually a "better" team. "They were better on that day" or "that was early in the season" Why did we bother playing the game? Sometimes, after a championship game, we argue whether the best team won. Why bother having playoffs or a tournament in the first place? It seems that we can't even begin an argument about which team is "better" or the "best" until we first determine the criteria for having such an argument. So, sports arguments should begin with a conversation (read: argument) about the criteria or standard that we should use. Then, if we can agree on a criteria for determining better/best team/athlete, then we can move forward with the follow up conversation (which should be a shorter one) about the team/athlete in question. If we can't agree on that, we are wasting our time. Some might say it is impossible to determine such a criteria in any one sport that everyone can agree on; to which I would say that we should stop arguing about such worthless things as sports in the first place. This would shut down the entire sports entertainment industry that spends 90% of airtime arguing about who will win (speculative predictions) and "did the best team win" (waste of time) and only 10% of airtime reporting what actually happened, which is the only thing worth really discussing in the first place.

College football is a great example. We can't even agree on what is the best way to determine the best team. Bowl games or playoffs? The answer seems obvious. But even if we changed to a playoff system, grown men would still sit around for hours and argue about whether the best team won, who got screwed, and why their team should have done better. It seems that polls aren't a bad idea since most things in sports are subjective anyway. Even if we had all 120 or so D-1 teams play each other head to head, we still wouldn't agree on the best team.

Who should/shouldn't have gotten into the tournament? Better conference record, better road wins, better non-conference schedule, blah, blah, blah. Not worth talking about unless we are arguing from the same standard. And we aren't. We are all biased. Just admit it. Our team always gets screwed.

Who is the best basketball player of all time? Before we can even have the discussion, we must first agree on what criteria we are using to answer the questions. Is it number of championships won? Is it total point scored in a career? Number of MVP awards? Why even start talking about individual players until we can agree on this first.

It seems that most things in the sporting world are just people's opinions. Very little in life is cut and dry. We are better off arguing which fast food chain has the best french fries. It's just as subjective. And people don't get their feelings hurt. Unless you tell me that Burger King has better french fries than McDonald's.

Having a girl is cheaper...at first

2010-01-25T17:29:00.000-08:00

Found out today that Amy and I are having a baby girl. Also found out that since we are having a girl we will save $362, because we won't have to pay for circumcision. At first, I was excited at the thought of this savings. Then, I realized that a daughter will be more expensive in the long haul. Prom dresses, wedding, dance classes, etc. But, what if I invest that $362? If I punch the numbers into an interest calculator, after 22 years (about the age my daughter might get married), I will have $4,026.37! That's enough to pay for most, if not all, of a wedding. Girls aren't that expensive after all...

Farewell to the $1 cup of coffee

2009-01-06T09:31:00.000-08:00

This morning, I stopped in to the best coffee shop in Columbia(Lakota) to get a refill on my mug and do some reading. There was a sign on the counter by the cash register informing customers that they had to raise the price of a cup of coffee from $1 to $1.25. I have long boasted that Lakota was the only place in town (and maybe in the country) that you could still get a high quality cup of coffee for $1 (after tax). There was always something so fulfilling about handing the cashier a one dollar bill and walking away (no change needed). I am proud of Lakota for holding out as long as they could. The sign also informed customers that they had held the $1 price for 10 years! Impressive. And $1.25 is still the cheapest cup in town.

This doesn't affect me too much, because about a year ago, I made one of the wisest investments I have ever made. I bought a Lakota mug. Refills on the mug? 75 cents. That's like 16 ounces of high quality coffee for 75 cents! And they are keeping that price the same.

So, farewell $1 cup of coffee. And thank you to Lakota for looking out for the little guy.

The holiday flab cycle

2008-12-17T08:19:00.000-08:00

Every year, I see more than a few articles about "how to keep the weight off around the holidays". I am not sure how many people actually succeed in this endeavor, but I would guess the number to be very, very small. This year, I gave up trying. In fact, I think the flab cycle is natural and may even be a healthy thing for humans.

I became convinced of this yesterday, when my wife had a snow day from school and I decided to stay home from work and spend some time with her. On the way home from my doctor's appointment, we began to crave all sorts of foods. Cookies, chicken fingers, toasted ravioli just to name a few. They were all very fattening foods and it made me ask, "what is it about cold weather that makes me want to eat stuff that will make me fat?" The answer dawned on me - it's my body trying to insulate itself for colder weather. It's a natural cycle of getting fat in the winter and thin in the spring/summer. That's why in the summer I crave fruit and salads and tofu (not really). We settled on making Double Doozies (homemade frosting sandwiched between homemade chocolate chip cookies). We both ate one and then felt sick the rest of the afternoon. But, I recovered and ate 3 more that night.

Also, if on January 1st I am not disgusted with myself enough, I may not be motivated to make that New Year's Resolution of losing some of the flab. So, I need that little extra to push me over the edge of disgust. If I am successful at keeping the weight off around the holidays, I may become content with the pre-Thanksgiving version of myself, which was already flabby, but not flabby enough. So, I think the holiday binge is an important part of actually trying to become healthier in the long term.

fashion

2008-07-25T15:41:00.000-07:00

This summer, my wife and I took a trip to Chicago with her parents and brother. Overall, a great trip. We did spend an afternoon on "Magnificent Mile" aka Michigan Avenue. It's not something that I really get into much. I don't buy designer clothes and I hate consumerism more and more every year that I am alive. But, when you go on vacation with other people everyone has to be flexible. I was helping my wife pick out some clothes at the only store that she will really shop at on Michigan Ave. - H&M. I was soaking the whole experience in and thinking about something...

If you really stop and think about how the fashion industry operates; isn't it a little backwards? What is and is not fashionable should be dictated by the consumer, not the producer of the goods. If you think about it, the way that the fashion industry works is that each season, fashion magazines and websites and tv shows (which are driven by their advertisers - the producer of the goods) come out and tell you "here are the new fall/summer/spring fashions". They tell you what is fashionable and then people go out and buy it.

The way that it should work is that they come out with new stuff and people decide whether or not they like it, buy or don't buy it, and the amount of people wearing those items at the end of that season determines what is fashionable and what isn't.

It's sort of like when there was a new kid that moved into your elementary school. Your teacher didn't introduce him by saying, "this is Johnny, he's from Illinois, and he is very popular." Instead, your class got to know him, figured out whether or not they liked him and then he was deemed "popular" if lot's of kids liked him.

Fashion should be determined by the consumer after the fact, not before. After all, the people that have the most to benefit from it shouldn't dictate these kinds of things.

what is a sport?

2008-07-20T14:48:00.000-07:00

Can I say that I love the Summer Olympics? It is such a great event. And I plan on spending many August evenings in front of the TV watching great athletes do what God has created them to do. My favorite sport is track and field, but there are very few Olympic sports that I don't enjoy watching. Some of these "sports", in my mind, may not actually be sports. Which leads me to think about a proper definition of what is and isn't a sport. This is a work in progress and I would really love some input here to help me refine this. What I have so far is a one-part definition:

The primary "engine" that "motors" the athlete must be the Human Body.

Does that make sense? What I am trying hard to rule out here is auto racing, horse racing, and any other "sport" that involves a motorized engine. The main objection I have at this point from people is something to the effect of, "you sit in a car for 5 hours in the unbearable heat straining at the steering wheel and see if you make it." I am not doubting that auto racing is difficult, but so is brain surgery and doing wall sits for 5 hours, but it still doesn't make it a sport. In the case of bicycle racing, the human body is still the engine, so it's still a sport. Horse racing is a horse sport, not a human sport. ESPN should have a different channel for horse sports and one for auto sports. An interesting one to think about here is bobsledding. In that case, isn't gravity the primary engine motoring the athlete?

Might be more on this later...Thoughts, please?

Opportunity Cost

2008-05-08T05:50:00.001-07:00

When I was in 5th grade, we watched these videos that taught me lessons about Economics. There was a character named Econ and we learned about things like supply and demand and opportunity cost. Does anyone remember these videos? I tried to YouTube them with no luck.

Opportunity Cost is an interesting idea, isn't it? I think it's particularly an important idea for any election. I think most all Americans would agree that we would like great schools, a clean environment, St. Patrick's Day as a federal holiday (maybe just me), no war, world peace, health care for all, low taxes, and a strong economy. I also think that anyone who has ever run for the office of president has also wanted these things. So, we are all on the same page with our wants. It's all just a matter of what we think the best course of action to get there is and what the priorities should be. I get tired of people trying to demonize politicians by saying things like, "Bush hates the environment". I saw a bumper sticker the other day that said "Bush vs. Earth". First off, Earth would win. Secondly, do you really think Bush sits around all day thinking of ways to destroy the environment? Come on. Or, how about, "Hillary will have us paying 60% in taxes", as if Hillary really loves to pay taxes and she wants all of us to love it too. This is where the Opportunity Cost principle comes in. There is always a give and take. Some people think in order to achieve world peace there must be war in the short term. In order to have health care for all, taxes must be higher. Let's just all agree that we all want whats best for the country and try to have decent conversation about the best way to achieve that.

Opportunity Cost also plays itself out in small ways. For instance, I try to conserve water in any way that I can because I have been told that is important. I have also been told that I should wash my hands like 10 times a day. Does anyone else see the dilemma I am in? Do I wash my hands the prescribed number of times and use more water? Or do I conserve the water and not wash my hands? People have to make decisions everyday and there is an opportunity cost.

dandelions have a bad reputation

2008-04-25T07:13:00.000-07:00

It's the time of year when the flowers are in bloom and the trees are beginning to turn green again. It's also the time of year when millions of surbananites all across the nation are frantically pouring chemicals on their yards to prevent the growth of free flowers. I don't understand it. If someone offered you free flowers for your landscaping and you asked, "what color are they?". "Yellow". "Do they require a lot of maintenance?" "None" I am thinking, "sweet, free flowers with no maintenance." It seems like a simple choice. Yet, many Americans feel the need to go to great lengths, not to mention Saturdays spent in the yard and not with family, to exterminate the dandelion. God is giving you free flowers for your yard. I don't get it.

I don't know where dandelions got such a bad reputation. What makes them a weed? I think they are pretty. It's like when someone started a rumor about a girl in 8th grade and it spread around the school and soon you found yourself believing it too. But when you actually stopped and thought about it and got to know the girl you realized she was cool and nice and pretty - heck, you might have even become good friends. I am just asking you to do the same with the dandelion.

a rule to live by

2008-04-22T10:29:00.001-07:00

I sat down the other day and began to make a list of principles that I live my life by. These are just little quotes and life lessons that I have stolen from others or learned along the way in my 26.7ish years on this earth. It's just a few pages in the front of my journal, that I hope to continue to add to.

I will share a few here...
"If you are on time, you are late. Five minutes early is on time."
"One minute in preparation saves two in execution."
"90% of success is showing up" (Woody Allen)
"Always carry a book with you wherever you go" Because you never know when someone will be 15 minutes late to a meeting. Do you know how much reading you could get done in your life by filling in little blocks of time like this with reading?

Or, how about this one...
"Never watch a movie that has an unrated version"
This is one that I really live by. I am proud to say that, to my knowledge, I have never seen a movie that has an unrated version. This includes movies with the following in their title: American Pie, National Lampoon (Christmas Vacation doesn't count - this was before they got trashy), Saw, Road Trip, and Jackass. I mean, come on, if you need the unrated version to make money, the movie wasn't any good to begin with. I would encourage all of you to adopt this as a principle in your life and see the fruit of it.

chivalry is dead?

2008-04-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

It is said that "common courtesy" is not so "common" anymore. My wife can attest to the fact that I am not always the most polite person around. But there is one thing I try to consistently do for other people when in public - hold the door. It doesn't require much effort (I was opening the door for myself anyway) and it's a great way to show someone you care about them. I figure it's the least I could do. In a world where many people go through a whole day without encountering one person that cares about them, it's my very small way to try and love others.

There are some people though that just don't want to be loved. More often than not, when I hold a door for someone, they ackowledge the gesture (usually with the obligatory nod), but then proceed to put their hand on the door as they walk through. There are three reasons that I can find that someone would do this. First, they think that I appear weak and incapable of holding the door on my own. Second, they don't trust me and think that I will hold the door until just the moment when they are walking through it and then slam it on them. I can understand that. I am a complete stranger and they have no reason to trust me. Thirdly, they don't want to allow someone else to do something nice for them. They could have opened the door themselves. They didn't ask me to open the door for them. They don't want to look weak. This is the American Way. Independence. Self-will.

In any case, if chivalry is dead, I don't think it's because people don't want to give. It's that people are unwilling to receive.

My Empire of Dirt

2008-03-30T15:01:00.000-07:00

From "Hurt" By Nine Inch Nails (later covered by Johnny Cash)

What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end

You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

This song came to my mind today after an "interaction" with some friends of mine. It's true of me too; it's just easier to see in other people I guess. We expend so much time and energy building an "empire"/"kingdom" full of our own glory, an army of admirers (people who think we are hot, athletic, rich, talented, etc.), accomplishments, experiences, and possessions. In the end, it's an empire of dirt = worthless. As the ending of the song states...I also wonder if I will get to the end of my life and wish I could start again, a million miles away, and try to keep myself and not lose my soul.

Parking Lot Stalkers

2008-03-03T05:49:00.001-08:00

I was leaving the gym this morning and as I was walking to my car in the parking garage I observed a woman in her car stalking another woman who was walking to her car. You know what I am talking about, the people who stalk other people's parking spots. I am not sure why it bothers me so much. When someone does it to me, I have often wanted to act like I am getting something out of my trunk and then walk back into the store (or wherever I happen to be). Or sit in my car and see how long they will wait (the answer is - a long time). The only thing that has kept me from it is my wife who is always reminding me that I shouldn't let things like this bother me.

But it makes me think...this phenomenon is both a sign of how things are in America and a contributor to things getting worse. Let me explain.

Parking lot stalkers are contributing to pollution by sitting in their cars longer and using up more fuel. I know you may be thinking that the amount of extra fuel and pollution is very, very small. And you would be right. But saving the environment is all about the cumulative effect of many, many small things added together. And if you add together all of the parking lot stalkers in the U.S.; well, now we are making a difference. Not to mention, some of these people will circle the parking lot multiple times just to get a better spot.

Secondly, the parking lot stalker phenomenon is contributing to obesity. We could all use the extra 20-50 steps from the car to the building. Again, getting/staying fit is about the cumulative effect of small decisions added together. The ironic thing about the woman I observed this morning is that she was going to the gym. She was stalking to avoid 20 extra steps to go to the gym where she is trying to get/stay in shape. That's America for ya!

Weddings

2008-01-06T09:04:00.000-08:00

I have been married for four and a half years and one day. I have attended approximately 40 weddings in my life and actually officiated one myself (you can call me Reverend Neal if you prefer). These are my credentials - I am a wedding expert. And the following are my random, completely worthless thoughts on weddings.
First off, a matter of semantics, when a person refers to their own wedding (or someone else's), they often say, "So-and-so is getting married on such-and-such a date". But the reality is that they don't really know if they are getting married on that date. They may have a wedding on that date, but part of the point of the wedding ceremony is that there is a last chance to say "no" or "I don't" or "I won't" to the vows. It's not a done deal. We should say, "So-and-so has their wedding on such-and-such a date". There should be an element of surprise in the ceremony, people (including the bride and groom) wondering what will happen next (will they or won't they say "I do"). This will make weddings more exciting and not just a formality.
Second, it is my belief with the divorce rate hovering around 50% that wedding gifts should be given on the 5 year anniversary. To get married, you only have to have a pulse. Show me something. If you stick it out for five years, then I will buy you a blender.
Another thing...if you think about wedding gifts it's sort of like a loan. I start off my married life and everyone gives me enough stuff to "get started" - pots, pans, important appliances and furniture. And then I spend the rest of my life paying it back in wedding gifts that I give others. It's like a zero interest loan. I'm not necassarily paying back the same people that bought me stuff, but it's like a global loaning system. Don't misread me, I love to give gifts and have no qualms about it; it's just funny if you think about it.
Lastly, the least appreciated and most hard-working person at the wedding is the "bridal assistant(s)". Really, the bridal assistant(s) does the job that the bride's maids should be doing, but now has been delegated to this newly created position (I would be interested to know the evolution of the bridal party). What do bride's maids do anyway? They just stand there and look pretty. I say, put them to work. And the groom's men too.

If I Were President, part 1

2007-12-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

I think it's time for me to officially throw my hat in for the presidential race of 2008. My campaign will be built around a few key issues. The most important thing that I would accomplish in my first 100 days in office would be to institute a mandatory, daily siesta. Research shows that our bodies have a natural "dip" in energy in the afternoon; usually between the hours of 2 and 4pm. As a result of this "dip" productivity in the workplace decreases. It seems that our bodies are pre-programmed to need a nap in the afternoon. I think part of it also has to do with post-lunch drowsiness. Instituting this mandatory nap would go a long way in raising workplace morale and the overall health of our society. You might be thinking about the impossibility of a mandatory nap - how could the president of the US make people sleep? Easy. First, shut down all government institutions and banks between 2 and 3pm every day. I mean, we do it for national holidays. Just shut them down. Then, shut down the stock exchange. Not sure how to do this, but it can't be too hard. Lastly, pump large amounts of sleeping gas into every business and home in the U.S. Does anyone want to be my running mate in '08?

shopping carts

2007-07-17T08:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I went grocery shopping. I love grocery shopping. It's like a game. See how much healthy food I can get for the lowest amount of money. I did pretty good if I do say so. When I go grocery shopping, I always take a cart from the cart corral as I am walking into the store. I figure this is one less cart for the cart boys (and girls) to bring in. I think they appreciate it. I can see it on their faces especially on those really hot or really cold days. Some might say that I need to leave the cart there because it creates job security for them, but it's not exactly like this trend is catching on. The other reason I do this is because I get to test drive the cart before I begin shopping. No one likes a wobbly wheel or the wheel that won't turn at all or the cart with the uneven wheels (it always feels like it will tip over). If I don't like the cart, I can trade it in at the front door for a better one, and I still saved those great Hy-Vee (best grocery store in Columbia, by the way) employees the trouble.

Best candy bars, period.

2007-06-11T07:36:00.000-07:00

Who doesn't love a good list? We all love to read lists on top 10 worst this or top 10 best that. I think it's mostly because lists are so definitive and leave a lot of room for controversy and arguing. In that vein, here are the top 10 best candy bars on the market. Definition of a candy bar is not so much in it's shape, but in it's contents. Must contain at least some chocolate.
1. Cadbury Creme Eggs. Easily the best candy bar on the market. Some of you may argue that it's not even a "bar", but it's my list and it's my favorite. Usually only available around Easter, but Amy and I found some in Ireland last week - Cadbury is a British company.
2. Caramello. Creamy caramel, delicious.
3. Snickers. A close third. I am not exactly sure what "nougat" is, but it's amazing. They should sell nougat all by itself.
4. Butterfinger. Great in a Blizzard from DQ.
5. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Is it real peanut butter? I don't care.
6. Baby Ruth
7. Twix
8. Milky Way
9. Kit Kat
10. Three Musketeers

Thoughts on basketball

2007-03-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

Well, its March Madness and everyone is talking (obsessing) about the NCAA tourney. I will be upfront in saying that I don't really like basketball. Part of that stems from my 1st grade experience with basketball where I sucked. The other part is that I still suck at it today and it's hard for me to watch a sport that I can't play. But it's funny how everyone is an expert on college basketball now and they have their brackets filled out and somehow they care now after 3 months of not caring. I filled out a bracket this year. I picked the winners based on which mascot would actually win in a street fight. There were some interesting matchups. Cougars fighting other Cougars (in which case the winner came from the state that I felt the tougher cougar would come from). Blue Devils and Jayhawks must have magical powers, so they do well. And Monarchs and Hoosiers would get worked over. It was more entertaining than pretending to know stuff and I will still do better than most everyone else who picked based on stuff they pulled off of ESPN.com. So, I wanted to share one way I think that we could improve the sport of basketball. If there is a jump ball, instead of using the possession arrow, the two players would square off at center court and the first player to record a takedown would get the ball. It would make the game much more exciting on many fronts. Imagine this, the game is on the line...2.4 seconds left...your team is down by 2...you tie up with some other player and you get to go to the line and look him in the eye and man up rather than looking over at some old, balding, overweight man sitting behind a light up arrow telling you the fate of your team. Imagine practices that would end with a 15 minute sparring session because it's a skill that would have to be practiced. And imagine the matchups: Shaq vs. Allen Iverson, game 7 of the NBA Finals, tie game. Who wants it?

7 course meal

2007-02-18T13:19:00.000-08:00

Amy and I had a discussion over dinner last night, a heart-to-heart, about how we both would like to have more friends over to our house for dinner. We are going to try to have 2-3 nights a month where we invite some friends over and cook for them. We have a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends. So, many of these dinner guests will be people that we don't know very well and we want the conversation to flow. Part of the awkwardness of having people over that you don't know very well is what to do after the meal is over. That's when the awkwardness begins (sometimes it begins way before this). I was inspired by a book I read lately that partly talked about how we as Americans have lost the "art of the long meal". In ancient times and in many cultures still today, multiple courses are served and the meal is much longer. Conversation seems to flow much easier when the food just keeps coming. As Americans, we have forgotten that the point of the meal isn't the eating, it's the conversing. This led to a discussion about what exactly a "7 course meal" consists of. I did some
research (googled) and found many variations of the 7 course meal. There are many rules that are to be followed as well; like serving sorbet to cleanse the palate - I think water does a fine job of cleansing my palate. The following is my version of the 7 course meal - based on my research - that Amy and I plan to serve to many friends over the coming months: 1.cold appetizer 2.soup 3.salad 4.hot appetizer 5.pasta 6.meat 7.dessert/coffee.

Coffee: a drink for all people

2007-02-15T20:06:00.000-08:00

What is it about coffee that makes it so popular? I used to think it
was the caffeine that kept people coming back. What I do know is that
it is a drink that cuts across all barriers. Think about it. There is
nothing else out there that people of all socio-economic, racial, and
cultural groups enjoy like they enjoy coffee. I see homeless people
downtown drinking it, rich business men, house moms, college students,
hippies...they have African coffee, South American, Italian, French,
North American, Asian...the uniting power of coffee is unbelievable. It's a universal drink. I think that's why so many people go out for coffee. It really is magical.

Martyball

2007-02-13T06:46:00.000-08:00

The Chargers fired Marty "The Man" Schottenheimer yesterday after a 14-2 season. I love this man. In fact, I spelled his name right on the first try just now. I am not entirely sure of all the reasons behind him being fired, but it seems ridiculous to me that a coach would be fired after a 14-2 season. I know his playoff record is horrible...believe me I know of all the playoff losses as a Chiefs fan. But his success in getting teams to the playoffs is impressive. I would much rather play "Martyball" and get to the playoffs year after year and have a shot than play "Vermeilball" like the Chiefs did the previous 5 seasons and be sitting at home. As boring as "Martyball" is, it usually works. I really think judging players and coaches on how they perform in the playoffs and/or Super Bowl is overhyped. Note to Herm Edwards: Hire Marty as your offensive coordinator and let's play some Martyball.

snow and SUVs

2007-02-13T06:38:00.000-08:00

It is snowing hard here in Columbia right now. I was out driving and was nearly run off the road by an SUV driving 50 IN A BLIZZARD. 4 wheel drive doesn't help your brakes (not sure if people are aware of that). Funny how you see just as many SUVs in the ditch on days like today as "regular" cars. Today is one of the three days out of the year that those SUV drivers who bought the vehicle because they think they needed it for bad weather feel justified for the purchase. The other 362 days a year when my vehicle handles just as well, they get to shoulder higher fuel costs and more damage to the environment. It's Missouri! How often does anyone NEED 4 wheel drive?

Offsetting the cost of heating my home

2007-02-05T07:36:00.000-08:00

I park my truck at metered spots often because I like spending time in good ole downtown Columbia and I am frequently on the MU campus visiting with college students who are Young Life leaders. I would say I park at a metered parking spot 4-5 times a week. For most, this would result in an added expense to their budget. I am horrible at having change in my vehicle, mostly because I spend it on cups of coffee at Lakota (an even $1 a cup) and so I rarely pay the meter. I have found that there are certain times of day and places to park that I very rarely get a ticket. And since the weather here in mid-Missouri has turned frigid, I have noticed that the meters are not getting checked at all. It turns out that the parking meter attendants don't like cold weather. I haven't paid a meter in over a month and have yet to get a ticket. These cold winter months makes it more costly to heat my home, but I am offsetting that by saving on parking meters. They say February will be the coldest month we have seen in a few years, and I am looking forward to all that silver I will save!

Leave a Freakin Message

2007-01-23T19:47:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was made aware of a silent debate that goes on everyday all
around me. On one hand there is a group of people who say that you
should only return a phone call to your cell phone if you received an
actual,bonofide voice message from the person. On the other hand, there
is another group of people who say that if you see a "missed call" from
that person but no voice message, you are still required to call them
back. I tend to side with the people on the first hand. There are many
reasons a person might call and not need a call back. Maybe they needed
some information that they found somewhere else (a phone number for
instance). Or maybe they were driving by your house and were going to
drop in, but you didn't answer. I even have friends who are unhappy
with people who leave messages because they have to take the time to
listen to it and then call you back, when they would've called you back
with a simple "missed call" notification, because 90% of the time your
message just says, "hey, give me a call." I think these people have a
great point.

Gratuity

2007-01-18T17:07:00.000-08:00

Some people call it "leaving a tip"; others call it "gratuity". I have many questions. First off, if I am ungrateful (either in general or in a particular situation), am I required to leave gratuity? Maybe I will just become an ungrateful person. Then, I will be rich. Secondly, why do they call it a "tip"? I have some thoughts. It's like when you give someone a piece of advice, you might say, "here's a tip". The tip is meant to help someone know if they are doing a good job or not. If they give you bad service and you don't tip at all, it's like saying, "take a tip from me...do a better job next time." Or if they provided excellent service, "here's a tip...you did a great job." Either way, it helps the person know how they are doing. But the tip has turned into a mandatory thing, and somehow if I don't leave one, I am a jerk. But I wasn't the one who gave bad service. In fact, if I get bad service, I am not doing anyone any favors by tipping well. The cycle of bad service will only continue. Dwight (my second favorite character on The Office) says he only tips someone if they are doing something that he is incapable of doing. So, he doesn't tip a waitress, but he does tip his urologist. Interesting Dwight.

My Future Job: Football Ref

2007-01-09T06:41:00.000-08:00

Someday I want to be a football referee. The sole reason is so that I can impose my own ideas of how the sport should be played on others. The penalty that is called far too little is Excessive Celebration. I think if you do anything more than hand the ball to the referee and jog back to the sideline or huddle, you should be flagged for it. Am I against a show of emotion? Absolutely not, but wait until the game is over. There is nothing worse than seeing a guy do a touchdown dance when his team is down by 14 or seeing an NBA star jive around after a dunk when his team is losing by 20. What exactly are you celebrating? Act like you've been there before. People celebrate when they are excited about something. People get excited about things that surprise them or that don't happen very often. So, when you celebrate you are telling me that you don't expect to score much more and that you should revel in the moment because really deep down inside you suck. This is why I dislike Terrell Owens and Chad Johnson. Guys like this will never when a Super Bowl. Because they are selfish and only celebrate themselves. Plus, when you catch a touchdown pass, you only did about 20% of the work necessary to make that happen. The line has to block (that's about 50% of the work) and the quarterback has to make the right read and throw a good ball (that's another 30%). Yet, you are the one dancing around like an idiot, sucking, and generally making your team worse.

Pedestrianism 101

2007-01-08T11:27:00.001-08:00

I wanted to type some thoughts about my beloved Chiefs losing on Saturday but it's too fresh a wound to discuss right now...on to less important matters of the heart. I have found myself becoming more aware of how many people out there who are horrible pedestrians. Walking on the wrong side of the sidewalk, taking up too much room, not merging correctly. I know it many not seem like a serious thing to you, but it is. I had assumed that everyone knew that you are supposed to follow the same rules that you do while driving a car. Is this not a given? The rules of walking are as follows:
1. Walk on the right side of the walkway. Negligence of this rule is the number one reason for awkward walking interactions in public. If two people are approaching each other on the same walkway, there should be no question which way to move over. It's when people break this rule that you do the awkward dance where you both move left and then right and then back left - you know what I am talking about.
2. If you are a slow walker, stay as far to the right as possible, so that others may pass you on the left. If you are a slow walker, it doesn't mean you are a bad person, you just need to be aware.
3. You (and your party, regardless of size) are only alloted one half of the entire available walkway. Just because you are walking with 5 people and I am a solo walker, it doesn't give you the right to take up the whole walkway and push me out. You are only allowed half. If necessary, walk in rows or single file.
4. If you need to merge, wait until there is a break in the traffic and don't jump out in front of a fast walker if you can't handle the pace.
5. If you need to stop, please exit the walkway.
6. Stay off the cell phone.

O is not a number

2007-01-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed how many people, when speaking of the number zero, substitute the pronunciation for the letter o? Usually it's when reading off a phone number or credit card number. For instance, most people read the phone number 446-0298 as four-four-six-oh-two-nine-eight. I learned many years ago on Sesame Street that o is a letter and 0 is a number. Foreigners trying to learn the English language are probably very confused by this. I think mainly it's a time saving device. There was a period of about 3 years when I refused to make this mistake. What I found is that it did take me longer to read off the number 0 and it become difficult when reading off consecutive zeroes. Try reading off 268-0008 using both methods. So, I am ashamed to admit, that recently I have gone back to reading off 0 as o.

Chiefs, baby!

2007-01-01T06:50:00.000-08:00

I cannot express how excited I was last night as I watched Joe Nedney's left leg send my Chiefs to the playoffs. It's been too long. Amy and I were dancing around the living room screaming; it was magical. Most people in this world don't know what that feels like. To stick with a team like this after they have broken my heart time after time. Call it sneaking into the playoffs, call it backing in...call it whatever you want. I call it the NFL playoffs. Second season. And today I am celebrating. A new year. New life for my beloved Chiefs. It's an unbelievable feeling.

Exact Change

2006-12-30T14:33:00.000-08:00

Amy and I went to the mall on two consecutive nights this past week. I don't think I have been to the mall twice in one month before. My only excuse is that we had many gift cards and much cash from Christmas that we were looking to spend - we felt like millionaires. We have gotten into the habit these past 6 months of only paying with cash. Paying with cash gives me this great feeling of power. It feels more real than plastic. It hurts more too. The only thing better than paying with cash is having exact change. I learned it from my dad growing up. We would be at the store and the person behind the register would tell him his total and he would reach his big hand into his pocket, pull out his huge collection of coins, and take great pride in counting out exact change (preferably using up as many pennies as possible). I bought a pair of jeans at JCPenney. Paid cash. Had exact change. Amy bought a shirt at Gap (or is it The Gap?). Paid cash. It was a team effort but we had exact change. It was unbelievable. Come to find out, the cashiers really appreciate it too. My friend Sara used to work retail and she said she would thank customers extra when they paid with exact change.

My Best Shot at Saving the Environment

2006-12-28T12:00:00.000-08:00

On the way home from the gym today, while driving in the car with my wife, I had a thought. I don't have time to save the world right now, so I am hoping that someone out there might pick up this idea and run with it. So, here it is...How many disposable cups (plastic, paper, and Styrofoam) are thrown away every day in this country? My guess is a lot. Think of all the fast food restaurants and coffee shops. What if every American carried a cup with them everywhere they went? When they got a drink somewhere, they would just put it in their cup and be on their way. It could be this really trendy thing too. Like who has the most stylish cup of 2010 and who had the worst cup and the smallest and best cups for Christmas and so on. There could be a website and everything, www.carryacup.com. Please, someone, run with it.

Chinese Buffets

2006-12-17T10:34:00.000-08:00

Some of my friends think it's disgusting that I so love Chinese
Buffets. But I can't help it, it is just part of who I am. I crave them
more often than most any other genre of food. Even though I know they
are riddled with germs and that they get shut down by the health
department more often than any other type of restaurant, I am still
drawn there "as a dog returns to its vomit". Here's a question I often
have while eating at Chinese Buffets: why are none of the employees of
this fine establishment obese? I mean, many of the customers that
frequent such places are very overweight (not a stereotype, just an
observation) but very few of it's employees, who probably eat there a
lot, are. Here are my thoughts on this matter...I think that Chinese
buffets are part of a conspiracy by communist China. Here's the plan. 1)Make our way onto the American continent. 2)Open up a ridiculous amount of buffets full of yummy food (probably laced with crack). 3)Fatten the Americans up. 4)Invade their country and dominate the obese people that inhabit it...Seriously, I don't think the employees eat the food at all because they are in on the plan. They know it is horrible for you and that it will slowly kill you. Will this prevent me from eating at Chinese buffets? Not at all, but just something for you to think about.

Frank Fair-Weather

2006-12-15T08:59:00.000-08:00

Below is a "guest column" that I wrote in high school for the Northmen's Log (the student newspaper of the Oak Park High School). By way of introduction, it was the '98-'99 season and my beloved Chiefs weren't doing so well. I think it is still relevant today:
"My Chiefs lost again. They dropped to five and eight. But, this time, not without a struggle. They played their hearts out against the best team in the league and left everything they had on the field. That's how football is supposed to be played, how God intended it. Despite the score, my Chiefs are a team full of winners. I won't ever give up on them, because I'm a true fan, who is proud of my five and eight team. I have a friend; his name is Frank Fair-weather. You see, Frank is a Bronco's fan. He has all the new Bronco's apparel: the new jacket, the new hat, even the new Bronco's wrist watch. The reason it's all new is because he has only recently become a Bronco's fan. Wait a minute. The Bronco's just recently won the Super Bowl, right? Coincidence? I think not. You see, before Frank became a Bronco's fan, he was a Packers fan, and before that he was a Cowboys fan. It's amazing, his favorite team always seems to be the best team in the league. This school and this city have become full of these "fair-weather" fans. This is due in part to the five-eight record of my Chiefs. These pride lacking fans are not fans at all and should be ashamed of themselves. What will these "fair-weather" fans do later in life when things get rough? Are they going to quit on their wife, on their kids, and on their job just because things get a little rough? I truly hope not. Wanting to be a part of a winning organization is not an uncommom thing in any aspect of competition, but without the struggle, the losses, and the hard times, a championship really doesn't have that much meaning. I encourage you, my fellow students, to not become like Frank Fair-Weather. Have some pride. I'm not saying it's not the God given right of every fan to choose what team they cheer for, but I do think that once you pick a team, you should stick with them through thick and thin. And I'm not saying that everyone in the city should be a Chiefs fan either. But I will guarantee you that my Chiefs will make it to the Super Bowl in the next five years and when they do, I'm going to be a special part of it. Most of you will only pretend that you are."

Sleep Sucks

2006-12-14T06:07:00.000-08:00

So, I have this idea. Actually, it was developed with the help of a friend (his name is Chris). I have had many heated conversations about it over the last few years. This "theory" has no basis in any scientific research. But one of my hobbies is talking about ideas just to get people fired up. So, here it goes...
If you asked most people the question, "do you enjoy sleep?" they would answer yes. On the surface, it seems like an obvious question. But ask them, "what does it feel like to sleep?" and they will be at a loss for words. We don't know what it feels like to sleep...because we are asleep when "it" is happening. We have no idea if it feels good. In fact, it could be a horrible experience. People have argued that when they wake up, they "feel good". But that isn't sleep. That is what is called post-sleep. I will not argue that post-sleep feels good. I think it does. I also will not argue that pre-sleep feels good - the few minutes while you are laying in bed thinking about how good you think it's going to feel to sleep. Others have tried to make the argument that they had a particularly enjoyable dream. But you don't actually remember the dream (which is the enjoyable part) until you wake back up. So, even though you had the dream when you were asleep, the enjoyable recall of the dream doesn't occur until you are awake (which is no longer sleep). I think sleep is a necessary evil. We must do it to function, but it shouldn't be something that we run around touting as this great thing. We don't know if it's great or not. I think we should seek to minimize this activity. It takes up so much of our time. That's why sleep sucks. Think about all the things you could be doing with this time. But instead you are laying in an unconsious state. I don't think there will be sleep in heaven.

If I Were the Commissioner of the NFL

2006-12-13T13:14:00.000-08:00

I have become increasingly frustrated with major league sports over the past few years. Whatever the reason may be, I think that many people would agree with me that there are a lot of problems with major league sports. I think one of the main problems is that we have created too many rules and turned athletes into a bunch of sissies and crybabbies. Here are some suggestions on how to bring back some of the "spirit" of sport in the NFL:
I think it's ridiculous that players run out of bounds all the time. With the exception of the end of a half when you are trying to manage the clock, the only reason a player runs out of bounds is to save his own hide. What happened to the team? What happened to winning? Take your typical wide receiver. A good one might get 7 catches a game. Of those 6 catches, he might "step" out of bounds on 2 of them. If he lowers his shoulder and gets upfield, he will get AT LEAST 3 more yards on the lean alone. And if a defender wiffs on the tackle, he might take it in for six. Project this over the course of a season and he just had nearly 100 more receiving yards for his team. That's pretty good. A running back would do much better, and would be the difference between the league rushing title and second place.
And it isn't right that a phsycho like Ray Lewis hustles his butt across the field, while foaming at the mouth, only to have a guy like Terrell Owens step out of bounds. Ray deserves that hit. And I don't like Terrell Owens. Did we forget that football is a contact sport? The boundaries are there to put reasonable limits on the field of play, not to allow a player to avoid a hit.
Here is what I propose. Along the outside perimeter of the field, there is a 2 or 3 yard "neutral zone". The ball will be spotted based on when the player went out of bounds but while they are in this "neutral zone" they can still get hit. Does that make sense? So, this new rule will not affect the spot of the ball. It will just make a player fair game for a few more steps. Beyond this neutral zone, the late hit penalty will be in effect.

My First Post

2006-12-13T12:51:00.000-08:00

I was described the other day by an old friend as being "intense". I do have this tendency to get passionate about things. By things, I mean ideas, opinions, products, etc. I have a very addictive personality. That's the reason why I could (if I didn't have other obligations) play a video game for days on end. It's the same reason I might some day eat myself to death. I tend to get going on an idea or opinion of mine and just ramble on forever about how it's the best thing in the world. Most people get very sick of hearing me do this. So, I created this little blog in order to have an outlet for my ramblings. That way, I can get it all out there and you can choose whether or not you want to hear about it. And we can both be happy.